You are a mom so you should sacrifice your dreams and ambitions for your little ones to live theirs right?
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Where did that even come from?
Let me explain exactly what happens when you give up your dreams not because you want to but because you feel you have to.
You become unfulfilled, have unreasonably high expectations of your child (he has to start reading at age 3), resent everyone when things do not go exactly as planned (after all you gave up your life for this) and maybe even, become a burden to that kid when he grows up (“What will happen to my mom if I do this?”).
This is a 5 Part Series which includes:
- Balancing Ambition And Motherhood: Important Things You Need To Know
- 5 Modern Myths Out To Crush Your Ambition and Steal Your Soul
- 3 Major Reasons Why Mothers Must Pursue Their Ambitions
- 5 Proven Steps To Help You Balance Ambition and Motherhood
- Ambition vs Motherhood: How These 27 Boss Moms Do Balance
How do I know? I was your typical ambitious woman who fell for the “a good mom sacrifices…” trap. I even wrote a quote for it!
It makes for a good laugh nowadays but it was a pretty pathetic story of guilt, anxiety and borderline depression.
Thankfully, I didn’t get to become a burden yet, at least not to my kids, before I realized this was all bull and started searching the internet hungrily for an escape.
But you probably already know that, right? Because that’s why you are here.
Beautiful, smart, and ambitious women like you and I have been told for years to reach for the stars but the minute a baby comes into the picture, a maternal instinct so strong that you want to spend every minute with him kicks in. And frankly, ambition makes you a bad mom in the eyes of society. In your eyes even, until you realize that you are thinking the wrong way.
There is always a middle ground and many moms today are finding this middle ground online. They start an online business or a blog to make money from home.
But even for those moms, the struggle is real.
Let us quickly go over what society, and social media, has programmed us to think a good mother is.
Who Is A Good Mom?
Although no one will say these things to you expressly (hopefully), instagram feeds and real-life reactions of people to your distress, don’t forget your own reaction to other moms’ distress, will more than show you that the following pretty messed up assumptions are all too common place.
A good mom’s children never cry.
Bull! Crying is a healthy way for kids to express themselves. It shows that they have an enabling environment that encourages them to communicate their feelings and that they are not afraid to do so.
The truth is, if you are reading this; trying to learn how to balance mothering and your blogging ambitions, you are a really great mom!
Your kid cries for all the right reasons:
- He is loved,
- His feelings are respected and
- He’s not afraid to express them and demand your attention because he knows he’ll get it.
He may be young and silly to you (he can ask instead of cry right?) but let’s face it, would you drop everything you were doing the moment he says “I want to play”?
A good mom’s kids never get sick.
In case you didn’t know it, young children fall ill because they have an underdeveloped immune system. Please don’t fall under the pressure to keep a germ free home for the sake of hygiene. Kids NEED those germs to be healthy not just today but tomorrow as well.
A good mom always has all her ducks in a row.
Where do I even start with this one?
I never had all my ducks in a row even before I had kids.
I never remembered to call and thank everyone for their presence (and presents) at my wedding… I shouldn’t even be boring you with these explanations so let’s just get through the list and move on to more interesting things shall we.
The rest of it.
- A good mom’s kids never throw tantrums or misbehave.
- She’s always calm and joyful. What was that language again? “Use your words”
- She’s the mom who always sacrifices her needs for her child’s WANTS
- She always knows what her child wants.
- Her kids are always friendly
- Her kids never eat junk or wear mismatched socks.
- Her kids never have screen time. Using Technology in moderation is beneficial!
- She’s always hands-on with her kids.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”…instagram feeds, real-life reactions of people to your distress, and your own reaction to other moms’ distress show the anti mom-ambition nature of our society.” quote=”…instagram feeds, real-life reactions of people to your distress, and your own reaction to other moms’ distress show the anti mom-ambition nature of our society.”]
Do you know why this list is so laughable?
It’s because there’s no way on this good earth that any human can do and be all those things even if she weren’t a mom.
Even as adults, it’s healthy to cry when we are sad, to be selfish and say no sometimes.
To realize that sometimes life is great and other times not so much.
Come on we all fall sick even with the best hygiene practices in place, we throw tantrums in our relationships and it actually spices things up (make up sex anyone).
In all, I’ve never met anyone who knew exactly what they wanted out of life, was completely organized with an impeccable schedule and always greeted everyone at every time with a smile and hug. Actually, there’s a word for it, boring.
It’s the “bad” that makes the “good” good, the spontaneity of life is what makes it fun! Why on earth would anyone want to take that away from you just because you became a mother?
But it’s not just you that this affects negatively. In the next post, we talk more why it sucks.
Want to start a blog so you can stay home with your kids? Click the photo to get started and maybe you too could make money in your first month like I did.
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Thanks for stopping by!
Freelance writer, graphic designer and mother. Lily helps young moms who are eager to break into the online business world quickly build online empires of their own through blogging smartly. Her motto, “Do smarter, have all”. Find her sharing smart blogging tips on her blog or interacting with smart blogging moms in her facebook group for Mompreneurs.